I think people are getting weird and weirder; unparalleled with my reality. The society is unwelcoming. It is a flat world out there. I sealed the room so lot lesser lights can bright my space. No windows. Only the sound of cars passing and pedestrian interactions. Oxygen, is more consumable this way. The world should night all the time. No sun, but lively.
Oftenly, I think myself is merely an unreasonable centre – as an unnoticed moving vehicle. Unsure with direction to where – but I know how to describe hereabout the destination. Where it is, how it looks and who are there.
Many times, I cannot tell which one is real, which one is not. The reality is not really a reality to me. Sometimes I find myself quiet bemused about how we human a rather confused race. I may had become rough mentally and physically, but the heart was full of sorrow. I lay there that night and I thought, I have none in life. I have accomplished nothing. I barely can feel my skin and face too – but I know that I have to keep moving. But, how?
Quiet. Loneliness. Withdrawn. All the time feeling stuck. Barely can think of any solutions.
– Later I know, I must get out of here quick. To lead. There.
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. [18:24]
Please tell me you seen this too?
What is like to be alone? You do understand it, and you know well the pain. You trying to protect people from it. You trying to protect me from it. I appreciate that.
But, what about you? You are denying denials – You hide the truth to out of yourself.
I understand how the feel to be different. Because I am very different too.
- Stop reading (and writing)
- Feel disconnected to everybody
- Feel most of people taking me for granted
- Ain’t no longer check my email regularly. Now up to 2000 of unread emails. 80 percents of all are junks.
- Discontent and discouraged.
- Unprovable of tomorrow
- Marginalised by society (or me to them – refer to #2)
- Economically weak
- Uncountable of last month browsers and tabs
- Unattended of todo list
- Unthinkable of directions
- Disconnecting to many people
- Upset with my homeland (and Greece)
- Negates most of functions
- Overwhelmed of dedication
- Embargoed to a toxic relationship.
- Obligated to unpleasant. It became a job. I don’t have the time to go to school.
- The research? I can’t see that anywhere.
If this persist. Sayonara academia.
- Kiasu, but nods to pessimism.
That’s that. In what echo to takes? Reflecting to my mental health. I lost the common sense.
Giving up is not an option. But do not know how. #iforgothowtobounceback
So I changed my Scrivener app icon. I found Scrivener icon is heavy and emotionally absurb to me, in which put mental state which I don’t fancy to get starting to write.
So how do we change an icon in OS X?
First, you need the icon file or image that you would like to use as logo. Apple have it own standard for icon, they called it as Apple Icon Image format or .icns.
I used an online converter to convert the icon into specific format; http://iconverticons.com/online/
Right click and Get info on the application (you have to do this on the Applications directory).
Drag the icon to the top left of the Window.
Restart the application, or you can killall Dock with Terminal. The new icon will the there.
How to restore the original icon? If you found this as mistake, you can click and delete the icon in Get Info.
Disclaimer; I found the icon online, on DeviantArt specifically. Credit icon to Smyf.
I learnt this during writing my previous computational paper. It is interesting how we can relate deadlock in real life.
What is deadlock, anyway? In computing, deadlock fancy to occur in systems that implement locking for concurrency control during transactions. When it stuck with two or more transactions, it could not be prolonged to process. So these systems need some kind of mechanism to detect this and resolve the problem when it occurs because of blocked from progressing.
That one is digital.
Let’s think this situation as likeliness example of deadlock; Two small boys stop at vending machine and both would like to get a can of fizzy drink. Unfortunately, both of them did not want to give into each other for the first get a chance to coin in for a can of soda. On the other hand, the machine only can process a job in a period of time, it cannot entertain both of them in a same time. “It’s mine, it’s mine. I am the one who reach here first!”, the conversation goes around similar like that. The boys having frictions, persistent and tenacious to each other and both of them do think the opposer are the one who suppose to not give up. Thus, that situation may take forever to resolved. Likewise, that situation called a deadlock.
A classical example.
Taking this a bitter real, say we commoner; What about Kane is need a resource from Abel, however Abel need a buffer, or another resource from Kane. Both are critical to do before they move forward. That’s a circular-chain-unsolve deadlocked. No way any transaction can go because it is stuck in whole sense.
Right. But again, how far we can tolerate deadlock?
We, the sensible human beings understand the concept of dualism : good-bad, right-wrong, love-hate etc. We too, should understand that there is always another way to achieve something, even though not always the time permits such independence.
A close friend of mine once told me about the concept of give-and-take. I was a kid back then, and was trained by camp to choose to embraced with win-win situation. However, not always allow us, everyone to win. It was a factual piece of advice because not always people reach an agreement with each other in win and win situation. Give-and-take taught to be respectful and giving up sometimes is fine. It concedes us to have a harmonious ecosystem of social relationship by cease something that was wanted and agreeing to some of the things wanted by the other person.
Perhaps we can look at this like mutual exclusivity or mutual inclusivity? Therefore both people agree to be commit to each other and to be in a committed process or relationship.
Or agree to disagree.
So, talk. Discuss and decide.
While I am not always get the idea to be smartest guy in the room, personally I think being modest and humble is decent. If you would like to live in harmony society, why not be the first to portray. Deeds count, right?
At the end of the day : Life is always a choice. Certainly, overcomplication is a never ending game.
But that raises another question; how far is a human limit?
I had this domain with my name for quiet sometimes, and I frankly hosted few blogs on other place and I scraped all of them, including the one that with Posterous.
It was funny sometimes when attempt to put up of something to available then realised no longer have an open platform or blog. Usually, Evernote has been my best pal and to the Note to share thoughts. Yikes.
During I write this – It is Christmas Eve and 8 Celsius outside in Liverpool. Made me a cup of light roasted coffee and green tea. It was been a good week for myself; I managed to read 5 to 7 books (I lost count already) and that should stay as a habit.
So I guess this is a reboot.